Hi! Hello! Salut! Hola! Hallo! Ola! Ohayo! Jambo!

And that’s about every way I know how to say hello! You only get “Welcome back!” in English though. :)

I got some good feedback about the interview between Tree and Chaos, so I thought I’d throw a few more of my characters into the interview seat. One at a time is no fun, so I have a new pair today. I’m still using the same interview questions I answered in my very first blog, and with the heroines, but today we’re going to see what happens when Levi – a demon prince and the embodiment of Envy – and Kaige – oldest vampire known “alive” in New Hope – get together in the same room...

Again, I have no idea this is going to turn out… hang on to your butts…

Me: Hi guys. Thanks for agreeing to this.

Kaige: I’m not sure I actually agreed…

Levi: ::straightens his suit jacket and lapels:: Happy to be here!

Kagie: ::gives Levi a scathing look:: Suck up.

Levi: ::smiles his camera ready smile:: You get more flies with honey.

Kaige: I don’t want flies.

Levi: Then maybe you should bathe.

Me: Oh goodness, can we… how about you both introduce yourselves. Tell us where you’re from and all that.

Levi: I am Leviathan, the Demon Prince of the seventh level of hell.

Kaige: Oh, we have royalty… had I but known…

Levi: Oh yes, if you only knew what my circle of hell had in store for you.

Kaige: Sorry to disappoint you, but I have no plans on leaving this earth. Ever.

Levi: I can wait a really long time.

Kaige: As can I.

Me: Kaige, can you just – would you introduce yourself already? Please?

Kaige: I’m obviously Kaige. I’m head of the council and was once the most renowned doctor in all the world.

Me: Really?!

Levi: Never heard of you…

Me: Okay, hold on, I’m not pulling out any standard questions yet. Kaige, you were a doctor? Like… a doctor?!

Kaige: ::blinks at me::

Me: Well, what kind of doctor?

Kaige: The renowned kind. ::Looks at Levi:: I thought I said that.

Levi: ::nods::

Me: ::deep breath:: I mean, were you a foot doctor? A eye doctor? A brain surgeon? A kid doctor?

Kaige: ::grins:: I specialized in those with mental instability and afflictions of the mind.

Me: Ah… I get it. Lobotomies and all that?

Kaige: I preferred the “and all that”.

Me: Of course you did…

Me: Okay, well, what’s one of your favorite quotes?

Levi: ::ignores me:: What was your favorite technique, may I ask?

Me: Um, what? No. No, that’s not the kind of question I want an answer to.

Kaige: Of course you may ask. I preferred a mix of Trephination and Leeching.

Me: Oh god. Oh no.

Levi: ::rubs his hands together:: Oh yes, this sounds most excellent. How exactly did you mix the two.

Kaige: The easiest way was to insert leeches into the holes opened in the skull. To relieve the maladies, of course.

Levi: Of course!

Me: This is not happening…

Me: Moving on! Please, for the love of God, let’s move on. What’s your favorite indoor/outdoor activity?

Kaige: You are being incredibly rude, you know.

Me: Me?

Kaige: I don’t see any other filthy humans here. Do you?

Me: …

Kaige: Now you must share your favorite technique with me. It’s only civil.

Me: Civil?!

Levi: Mine is not nearly as creative or scientific, though I imagine it’s much more fulfilling.

Kaige: Do tell.

Levi: I start with the fingers, and individually break each and every bone in the body, working from the outside in.

Me: What was I thinking? This was a horrible idea.

Kaige: That sounds… barbaric.

Levi: :smiles wider:: It is!

Me: Can you at least answer one question? Just one?

Levi: Yes.

Me: Thank goodness. What sound do you love?

Levi: ::stares::

Kaige: ::sits quietly, smiling::

Me: Guys?

::silence::

Me: Guys? Come on. You said you’d answer –

Levi: One question, and I did. Whether or not I’d answer one question.

Kaige: ::snickers under his breath::

Me: I hate you.

Levi: I know.

Kaige: We love you too, darling.

Me: Don’t talk to me.

Kaige: But I thought this was an interview.

Me: I hope you die.

Levi: You first…

Me: Uh… yeah. So… it’s time to go now – quickly. I hope you… you know what, no! I hope you didn’t enjoy this. These guys are… hey! Levi? Kaige? What are you whispering about? What… why are you looking at me like that? Oh no… someone please send help…

“The pen is mightier than the sword and considerably easier to write with.” - Marty Feldman

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